The Holidays: A Guide for ADHD

Holidays!

Fun Days. Right?

Do-Whatever-We-Want-Days! What could be bad about that?

That’s how my grandson (and other students) see the upcoming holidays. But, caretakers and family members may realize that the holidays pose special problems. And it can leave one thinking, are holiday breaks good at all?!

For purposes of this article, “holidays” could be an extended break – as for Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, etc. But, frankly, it could also be something as brief as a “snow day.” Let’s define it this way: A holiday occurs whenever there is a period of no school during the regular school year.

Although holidays are a great – and needed – time to rest and recharge, they can pose focus problems for all kids. But they can particularly play havoc for any student with some kind of Attention-Deficit Disorder (ADHD).

Why can holidays present difficulties for those with ADHD?

Holiday Challenges

The first part of the answer is this: Because there is a break in the person’s routine.

Whereas regular school days are typically characterized by rising early, performing academic tasks, juggling multiple assignments, and so on; the holidays are usually thought of as times for “sleeping in,” having (or at least doing) little to no schoolwork, and engaging in seasonal activities.

But we should also consider the excitement and anticipation that comes before, during and after these holiday breaks. All of these can illicit stress in some individuals, which can manifest itself in behavior changes that signal distress and sensory overload.

Holiday-Coping Suggestions

Here are a few quick suggestions.

• Have a job for your child/teen to do before, during and/or after the holiday activity or event. This will give them an object to concentrate on. When they are able to complete the job, they will enjoy a sense of purpose – which will help them feel like their preparatory efforts were an integral part of the fun. From passing out favors and greeting guests at the door to serving appetizers and cleaning up, these activities are not only needed, but they also provide real-world skills. In addition, depending on the child’s skill level, they could also assist with holiday cards or invitations by coloring in the background, stuffing them into envelopes or affixing the return-address sticker.
• Decorate with the kids. Channel the pre-holiday energy into helping. Let them make some of the decorations. For instance, in my classroom, I copy pictures of pumpkins, turkeys, ornaments and hearts for the students to color, cut out and tape on to our door. At home, you could have your child do the same things. Parties are arguably more festive with handmade decorations. At least the environment is more personalized. Paper garlands can adorn fireplaces or door and window frames. Don’t forget the table! Paper tablecloths and place mats are blank canvasses for art. (And, as we have previously discussed – see HERE and HERE – ADHD sufferers are often highly artistic/creative.)
• Schedule a preparatory visit to any new venue. Get to know the surroundings. If your child is prone to anxiety attacks or meltdowns, then this is a must. Exposing your child to the venue before the event will help him or help to get used to the place. But it will also enable you to anticipate (within reason) possible situations that might arise.
• Obtain (or make) a schedule of the events that will take place, so you can explain them beforehand. Forewarned is forearmed. This means, as in the above tip, advance knowledge enables you to be prepared.
• Have a “safe space” or respite area to go if they are feeling stressed. Knowing where you can take a panic-stricken child, if needed, can eliminate or at least lessen a full-blown meltdown. (This is another reason to be familiar with the event location. Again, see above!)
• Schedule in (if you have to) restful activities. Parties and gatherings can be filled with stressors for almost anyone. Plan a night of games and easy snacks or a movie and popcorn with hot cocoa to balance out the week. Not only can this serve as a counterbalance and corrective for a lot of holiday hustle-bustle, but it can also help your family to create its own unique memories. I started game night with my family on New Year’s Eve when my kids were little. Now that tradition is maintained in both of their families. Good memories don’t require a lot of money or fancy trips.
• Rest. Make sure that everyone gets as much rest and sleep as possible. Especially before and after the holiday events. (But, if the circumstances warrant it – and especially for youngsters – possibly also during!)
• Eat. I mean eat well! Amid all of the snacks – candy, cookies, etc. – and elaborate dinners, there should be available servings of healthy food. Keep in mind that “a little is good; too much is not” when it comes to sugar. Sugar makes everyone lose a little focus. For those with attention deficits, disastrous consequences can follow (particularly if the condition also includes hyperactivity).
• Teach your children self-control and relaxation techniques. These tools, like yoga and breathing exercises, can prevent overreactions from escalating into tantrums, and can be rehearsed at home before you even leave the house.
• Explain rules and expectations before company arrives. Also, let children and teenagers know what to do if they become bored or overexcited. (Remember your respite room, mentioned above.)
• Develop a backup plan. Have a sign that your child can give to show that he or she needs to get away. And have alternate activities planned – where feasible. Then you can remove him or her before any trouble starts.

Planning a Trip?

Sometimes, a holiday is a perfect opportunity to visit relatives or special places. Many people even plan trips purposely around school breaks.

Here are some things to consider.

• Plan early. And I mean plan, plan, plan! Plan for traffic congestion. Plan for cancelled or late flights and trouble that might result from weather conditions. Plan for illnesses. Plan for broken or lost toys/security objects. Plan for misplaced medication. And on and on!
• Make schedules and checklists for everyone. This breaks the big tasks into smaller, more manageable tasks. It also makes everyone a partner in getting the family to its destination on time.
• Make sure that you pre-order any tickets for shows or places that you may need to go or see while you are there (wherever “there” is).
• Pack games and snacks.
• Bring your child’s pillow/blanket for comfort when sleeping in different beds.

There’s no question but that fall and winter can be great times for travel because (depending on the date) there may be fewer people on roadways (compared to summer) and rates may be lower for flights (depending on dates, times, and locations).

However, there are many challenges that face children and teens with ADHD. And there are plenty of attendant difficulties to consider, especially if you are going to extend your trip into school days.

• Find out the school’s or district’s policies. Check to see if they allow children to miss school days for family vacations. Some districts have applicable truancy policies or consider vacations to be unexcused absences. If your child misses over a certain number of allowable days, the school will often file a report – and you may even have to pay a fine.
• Consider the grade that your child is in. A general rule of thumb is that the older the child, the more work he or she will have to make up. If they are in middle or high school, they deal with many teachers so coordinating the assignments will be a task in itself. If the break straddles two semesters, then realize that the family vacation might cause your son or daughter to begin a new semester behind in his or her work. Those few extra days may not be worth it.
• Think about how well your child is doing in school. If they are already struggling, it might not be a good idea to have them miss any classes.
• Weigh how well your child deals with change. If they get upset or lose focus with minor schedule changes, then vacations during the school year might not be advisable.
• Also factor in if there will be “fun” things that your child will miss while away. As hard as it might be to read, the reality is that a school Christmas party or other program might be more important to your child than spending time with the family on vacation. Teens especially, my grandson included, really look forward to holiday parties attended or given by their friends. (This might be an especially important point to consider if your son or daughter has trouble making friends. Missing out on these social activities can be damaging to their self esteem.)
• Finally, estimate the volume of work that will be missed. The policy at our school is that no work can be given prior to the trip. Furthermore, students only have a certain amount of time to turn in all class work, homework and projects. This can amount to a lot of work. It could overwhelm students who do not suffer from attention, executive function, or focus troubles. For those with ADHD, it can lead to nightmare situations.

Final Thoughts

With all the parties, dinners and presents, let’s not forget the really important parts of the holidays. Isn’t the core just being together with family and friends celebrating your faith and traditions during all of the holidays that we cherish?

If so, then… slow down! This will better help you to enjoy your loved ones. But it will also help your ADHD-afflicted son or daughter minimize stress – which, in turn, will help him or her enjoy the experience much more as well.

Happy holidays!